He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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