Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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