i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
