We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
