I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I'm drive I can fine osifer
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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