Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
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