You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
