You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
