she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
