I want to make a zoo with you.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
