I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
