I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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