The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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