C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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