4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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