He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
