I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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