Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Randomize
