dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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