I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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