She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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