Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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