would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Bring me that man meat
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
