Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Randomize
