Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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