my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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