Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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