I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Randomize
