someone threw a dead crab at me
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Randomize
