Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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