Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
