When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I am naked and annoyed.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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