I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
