I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
