Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
