I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
