dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
we made out on top of his cat.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
