Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
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