how can u be prego again
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I love having hate sex.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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