He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
