you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
