summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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