would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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