I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
