Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
