Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
