she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Randomize
