I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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