i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
