i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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