i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
