i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize
