I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Randomize
