is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
