Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
