I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
