Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
