How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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