Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
