Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
