I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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