My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize