we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Randomize
