I heard we made out
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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