i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
