So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
