My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
