I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
