he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
