So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
