i love accidental penises.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
