So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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