You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I am one with the molecules
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
