Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
