Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
