Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
