fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
