Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
