so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
