As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
