So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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