wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
