Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
