I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
