so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Your penis caused this!
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
