woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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