You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Randomize
