you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
