Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
We need to get me chipped asap
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
