I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
