I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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