Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
