When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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