i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Randomize
