3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
