Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
