is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
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