Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
