Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Randomize
