I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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