Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Randomize
